Hello there,

I am caught in a situation, where I can see very little hope.

I suffer from PCS and PTSD. Also I lost my father 2016, and still feel a lot of rage and sadness about it. The PTSD is from an older trauma, 2006 and has been propelled out of control by a concussion in March 2017. I have priorly experienced concussions and recovered within 3-6 month without worsening in the PTSD. This time I have descended into some sort of dark age of epic proportions, my mind is circulating and pulling out all this old garbage. It is distorted and the flashes just appear. I am also not able to stay with my bodily sensations and start to panic particularly when alone.

I am completely depend on others, can't sleep alone. Now my girlfriend left me, and my mother had a breakdown after taking care of me. I have survived on yoga, chi qong, healthy foods and support from friends but it has been exhausted. I now have to find a way to either live alone or get hospitalized. Or I have to very quickly find a roommate interested in caring for a sick person.

I am currently not taking any meds, I have tried various anxiolytics, Tryptophan and Lactium and have reacted very poorly, (like I am flying out of my mind) The meds also seems like they get stuck in my neck, probably where the injury is, they create a feeling so displeasing that I feel like actually pulling the meds out of my neck with my hands.

Now I facing some kind of crazy decision between potentially very unpleasant scenarios:

1. Stay alone, face my demons, without meds. I migh get some support during the day, maybe I can rent out a room and be supported a bit at night.

2. Take the meds, (but which?? morphine, valium, Beta blocker, Alprazolam, Seroquel are at my disposal), stay home and see how it goes.

3. I get hospitalized and leave it to others to make the decisions. They will probably have to sedate me completely in order to get around my fight and flight response. in this case I get a diagnosis and maybe some rest, in the worst case the fill me up with medicine that will leave me even worse off.

Things to consider are: recovery, where and how do I recover after I have been hospitalized? How much damage can the meds do?
Is there something valuable in trying to live through this without meds, or is it just self torture.
Should I ago for the neuro or the psychiatric department?
If I stay home how do I get treatment my conditions has made it difficult to get to appointments, I have tried acupuncture, chiropractic and craniosacral work with little improvement?

Wow that was a lot. Let me know your thoughts.

Hit my head against a door, March 2017
Symptoms: nausea, tinnitus, pressure in the head, anxiety, trauma, aggression, agitation, distorted thinking, unable to focus, crying spells, unbearable sense of pain.