After the second email from a family member,my thoughts where racing,and my emotions where crashing,and I was spiraling with inner turmoil. What is that? Is that Mania possibly? Last night I called a crises hotline,emailed a Pastor for a appointment,and posted here. Thank you. I'm better.

What is this? It's was different then when I was a kid. It's different now then when I was in my 30's. I seem to become more agitated by bad treatment. It has changed through the years. It wasn't a anxiety attack,or a panic attack. I was agitated,thoughts surged,emotions crashed,my thinking went into a frenzy. It's happening more,and more in the last 10 years.

I have OCD. That wasn't OCD. I wasn't psychotic I don't think. I was deeply grieved,troubled,crashing,spiraling,wanting to be dead,thoughts where riveted to a insecure future,a feeling of being abandoned,rejected,imaginations coming up from the past,pain in my chest from anxiety,deep depression,and I wanted to get out of here.

I survived it. I'm filled with insecurity about my future. I don't know why my sister keeps talking about money when I'm doing everything in my power to get the SSD,and she knows that I have emotional issues. Then she comes over and puts a two ton boulder on me,and thinks that I can handle it. I never can. How come she never learns.

She said it's reality. That reality makes me crash every time. Could she have a mental block,and both of our conditions are repeatedly crashing together? I have two different Psychiatrist's appointments,one my old,and one my new to see if it works out. I feel like I've been through a fight for my life. It's different now in the past 10 years. Do these disorders change? Brokenfriend (My head feels like it's in a vise though)